Title: Shalom Haver: Pain
Author: Rotem Shahar
Feedback: no.
Spoilers: Christmas Carol, Emily
Category: SAR
Keyword: MSR, Character Death, AU
Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me, they belong to Chris
Carter, 1013, and FOX. No infringement is intended.
Summary: Part of the Shalom Haver series which can be found at
http://rosfics.tripod.com/rosfic/id10.html

~*~
~*~

It hurts to move. It hurts to breathe. If it gets much worse than this I dont 
know if I can take it.

~*~

They must have given me something. The pain is gone. I'm in my bed. I sense 
Mulder is sitting next to me.

I open my eyes. The light assults my eyes. I wince in pain. Mulder notices. 
He closes the blinds and turns the lights off, instinctively knowing whats 
wrong.

I open my eyes again. Much better. I can see again. I see Mulder watching me, 
worry shining brightly through his eyes. I want to comfort him, to reassure 
him that everything will work out fine, just like it always does, but this 
isnt like all the other times. We both know I have very little chance of 
making it through this alive.

He takes my hand in his, threading his fingers through mine. We both need the 
physical contact right now.

~*~

I must have fallen asleep. When I wake up again Mulder is no longer holding 
my had.

His chin is on my head which rests on his shoulder. His arms are wrapped 
around me. It feels nice.

I lay there, wrapped in his arms, and think.

I think about how I wish I told him how I felt about him - I still havent 
done that yet. 

I think about how nothing will be able to come of it even if I did - Not in 
this lifetime anyway.

I think about how my life has changed since I met him - everything we've been 
through together.

I think about how many lives we were able to save, only regretting not being 
able to figure things out faster so less people died.

I think about how my life was before I met Mulder - how I wasn't sure I'd 
made the right choice going into the FBI instead of pursuing a career in 
medicine. After I met him I knew I had made the right decision.

~*~

I cant breathe. He's holding me too tightly. 

I gasp for air. He immediately loosens his grip and calls for a doctor. 
I still cant breathe. He doesnt know what to do.

~*~

My head is pounding. But I can breathe.
The light hurts my eyes. But I can breathe.

Mulder knows I'm awake. He brushes a strand of hair out of my face and brings 
me a glass of water.

I havent had anything to eat or drink since my light breakfast this morning. 
A day hasnt even passed yet. It feels like so much longer.

~*~
~*~

I feel fine. The pain is gone. My eyes are no longer sensitive to the light. 
My headache is gone. I can breathe again.

The doctor said there would be better days and worse days - I hope that was 
the extent of the bad. I dont know if I could take much more.

~*~
~*~

The End.