Title: Shalom Haver: Changes
Author: Rotem Shahar
Feedback: No.
Category: SAR
Keywords: MSR, Character Death
Spoilers: All Things, Cancer Arc, Squeeze, Tooms, Duane Barry, Orison

Summary: Part of the Shalom Haver series which can be found at 
http://rosfics.tripod.com/rosfic/id10.html

Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully dont belong to me. They belong to Chris Carter, 
1013, and FOX. No infringement is intended.

Notes: I actually wrote this a while ago, but wasn’t happy with it. I finally 
got around to fixing it so here it is.

~*~
~*~ 

"It's the cancer that got my attention. It stopped me from being on the 
self-destructive path I was on. It made me realize I was in a field that had 
little meaning for me and it's what's allowed me to be happy for what feels 
like the first time in my life." ~Colleen Azar in all things 

~*~ 

Scully knew she was going to have to make changes to her lifestyle, but 
hadn't known how until she talked to Colleen. 

"You have to face your fears Dana." Colleen told her. Scully knew she was 
right. She had to face her fears. 

~*~
Scully took out a blank sheet of paper and started writing.

"What am I afraid of?

1) Being attacked in my own apartment"

She felt her apartment was no longer safe after Tooms, Duane Barry, and 
Pfaster among many others had broken in and entered, little by little 
shattering her sense of security.

"2)Feeling lost without my work" was the next thing on Scully’s list.

She needed work to keep her grounded. To keep her focused. To keep her alive. 
She felt like she had no purpose in the world if she wasn’t working. She 
needed to change that. To learn to relax and appreciate life instead of 
feeling the need to always be doing something.

"3) Being more open with Mulder" came next.

Whether relating to him, relating to a case, or to anything else, she needed 
to be more open and honest with Mulder about her feelings. 

She was scared though. Admitting her feelings was a big challenge for her. 
One she wasn’t sure if she was ready for. Doubts crept through her mind. 
‘What if he doesn’t feel the same? What if he thinks I’m crazy and never 
wants to speak to me again? What if it ruins our friendship?’ Scully knew 
that him never wanting to talk to her again was irrational, but that didn’t 
make her any less nervous. She knew that it probably wouldn’t ruin their 
friendship; it might make things a bit uncomfortable for a while, but they 
would stay friends through it all. But it was the first question that 
bothered her the most. How would she feel if she expressed her love for him 
and he then told her gently that he just didn’t feel the same way? She didn’t 
want to have to go through that.

‘That’s enough for now.’ Scully decided as she put the pen down and placed 
the paper between two books on her bookshelf. She'd work on overcoming these 
three fears and make another list of fears.

If she still had time.

~*~ 
~*~

The End.