Title: My Own Way Author: Rotem Shahar Feedback: LaughsR@bellsouth.net Rating: PG Category: VA Keywords: Missing Scene Spoilers: Heroes Summary: Where was Cassie? Disclaimer: The characters of Stargate SG-1 belong to whoever they belong to. No money is being made off of these characters and no infringement is intended. Notes: Last night was the first time I saw Heroes, and thought that Cassie's absence needed to be explained. Thanks to Cathey for the beta and Lisa for the title. ~*~*~*~ "I'm not coming," she told Sam. "What?!" Sam exclaimed. "But she was your mother!" she said in disbelief. "I know," Cassie paused, "but I can't." Her breath hitched as it caught in her throat. She wiped the tears off her face and tried to recompose herself. "I…I just…that's not the way I need to do this. I need to remember how she lived, what she's done, how many people she's helped…not how she died." "Cassie –" Sam started, but Cassie cut her off. "I need to go," she said as she hung up the phone, not wanting Sam to hear her cry. She needed to be strong about this, for everyone, for herself. Cassie took the picture of herself with her mother that sat on her desk and placed it on the coffee table. Going through her closet, she found a few candles, and brought them out to the table, placing them in a circle around the picture. She called Matt, her best friend, and he came over with a bouquet of flowers. Thanking him, Cassie placed the flowers inside the circle, behind the picture of her mother. Sitting down in front of the arrangement, tears fell down her face. Matt sat behind her, not saying a word, knowing that she needed his support, but also knowing that she needed this time for herself. She turned around. "Thank you." He nodded. "When's the funeral?" Cassie shrugged. "I'm not going." "Why not?" he asked, not judging her decision. "I can't," she stated, knowing that he'd want a better explanation, but not knowing if she could give him one. He waited for her to elaborate. "I just don't know if I can handle it, seeing everyone there for her." "It would be good for you, to see how many people cared for her, to know you're not alone in this." Cassie sighed, knowing she couldn't explain her feelings to him. Matt moved closer to her and held her tightly. "If you don’t want to go, you don’t have to." "I know." He grinned. "Do you want me to get you something? Anything?" he asked her. She shook her head. Shivers encased her body and Matt rubbed his hands over her arms. He saw a blanket sitting on her bed, grabbed it, and wrapped it around her. She sniffled. "God –" She hiccupped. "This is so unreal. I feel like this isn’t really happening. That when tomorrow comes, I'll find that none of this happened; that it was all some big joke." Half smiling and half grimacing she looked at him. He smoothed her hair and leaned her head against his shoulder, all in silence. "Wednesday." Matt looked at her quizzically, not understanding her statement. "Her funeral." He nodded. "You should go," he said softly. "I can drive you there..." he trailed off. "Thanks, but I’m not going." "Don’t you want to say goodbye?" he asked. She shrugged out of his embrace, distancing herself from him. "I need to do this in my own way, not the way everyone expects or wants me to." She paused. "I need some time alone." She walked to the door and opened it, signaling him to leave. Cassie looked at him. Matt looked down to the floor, trying to not show his hurt. "Okay," he said, and kissed her forehead as he walked out the door. "I'll call you," Cassie promised. He turned and smiled slightly. She looked down and closed the door. Sitting down again in front of the picture of her mother, she whispered "I miss you…" ~*~*~*~ Cassie stared at the flame closest to her, enraptured by its dance. The flame slowly shifted and changed, revealing Cassie's memories. Memories of when Sam found her on Hanka, and her subsequent bonding with Janet. Memories of how thrilled she was when Janet adopted her, and how quickly they became a real family. Memories of her first day of school on Earth, and how Janet was there to help her through it. Memories of all the love Janet unconditionally gave her, and that she'd given in return. She remembered the summers they'd spent together, going on trips, exploring the city, the state, and the country. She remembered all the support she'd been given, no matter what she wanted to do or whatever crazy ideas she came up with. She exhaled forcefully. She knew that she had to be there. ~*~*~*~ As Sam stood in front of the SGC, she smiled as she noticed Cassie being escorted into the back of the room. Cassie walked bravely to the side of the ramp, stood next to Jack, and touched his arm. "Hey," he whispered. "Hey," she said back to him as he hugged her. They stood together and listened to Sam's eulogy, with Cassie leaning on Jack for support. When Sam finished speaking, Cassie ran to her, hugging her tightly. "I'm so glad you came," Sam told her. "Me too," Cassie admitted. "Me too." ~*~*~*~ The End.